after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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