i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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