im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
