he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize