is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
