yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
