it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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