I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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