capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
