): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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