Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
