I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
