I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
