I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
