I bet he comes in French.
I just cut my nipple shaving
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
