are you still at the devil's house?
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
