Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
