Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The beer is more important than you right now.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
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