I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
