im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize