I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
accomplished twins. life is a go
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
