i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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