He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
