Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
