apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
