discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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