Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize