Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
