Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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