Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
