Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
