I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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