This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
