There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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