Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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