I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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