please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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