You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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