a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
