Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
