You work out of a Hotel?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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