Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
