I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
