yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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