my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
