I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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