Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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