i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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