everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
