sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
