I wanna passion pit in your ass
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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