Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
