Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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