I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
In other news, I just burned my penis
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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