Yo dont text me then not text me
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
