a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I think your dad took our porno
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
