foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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