The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
