The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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