I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
