Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
