I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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