I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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