Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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