I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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