drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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