He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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