My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
