There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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